Impact

Rev. Thoms, Myself, Chris, Peace, Alisoun & Lori at the Women's Coop

10/11/10: We met the young woman from Butare today. She is a beautiful, intelligent person and came on a 2-hour bus trip just to see Lori, her clothes in a paper sack. Lori was in a meeting, so the 3 of us, the interpreter & the young woman went to see the National Genocide Museum here in Kigali. It was very different from the ones in the field. There were pictures, explanations of the history, videos, interviews, & hundreds of pictures of the victims before the genocide that their families brought in. The young woman from Butare was deeply affected & stood frozen in front of one of the videos. We walked all the way back (about 45 minutes) to help her release, & when we returned to the motel Lori was able to help her get back to her smiling self. When we expressed concern about her emotional state, she told us the genocide prepared her for anything & there is nothing that can happen to her now that she cannot handle, & that she knows God saved her because there is something she is to do. Create Global Healing gave her the money to pay her back rent so she can return to Kigali. She will be one of the young people the International Youth Healing Center will help when it opens.

Back at the motel we filmed the interpreter singing songs she wrote & will put it on YouTube. She has a beautiful, moving voice & is very talented, but no resources to pursue her talent. She doesn’t know how to read or write music & wanted to take a class but couldn’t get off work to go. I wrote out basics of music writing on a napkin & told her to find a music store & get a book. She has excellent English & is very bright & will teach herself.

Synchronicities continue to happen—one of the board members of the orphanage was just invited to be part of a government conference next week on vocational training programs so will e-mail the full report to Lori. A friend of Lori’s just lost his job while we were here & he has many contacts that will help set up the center & now has time to set them in place. We were going to walk the interpreter to the taxi stop but the dirt roads were solid mud puddles & we were headed back to pay the motel manager to drive her when a car pulled up & offered her a ride for free. The wife of the couple from Uganda who have a project to bring safe water to Africa & who are advising the orphanage went to UCSB & has mutual friends with Lori. The founder of the community coop who knows all the important political people just happened to come to the motel when our interpreter friend who needs a better job showed up & they made a good connection, etc.

It doesn’t seem possible that we leave Rwanda tomorrow. This will be my last blog from the field. I know it will be weeks, maybe months, before I realize the total impact of this journey. I have lived in a culture so different from anything I even knew to imagine that returning to life as usual is not an option. It remains to be seen how I integrate this experience into a new way of being. I now know that there are no differences great enough to divide people who come from love.

Children near Kigali on a highway between villages. Water needs to be carried even in many homes in Kigali

10/10/10: (This will show as 10/11 because the internet was down last night when I wrote this) Day of rest & reflection. Africa is a great teacher. In my last blog I shared some of my process in confronting my initial defensive response to being “paraded” as a source of money. It seems I did not clearly share the almost immediate lesson I learned—that my purpose here is to love & to give whatever I have to offer & the opportunities may come in forms I have not anticipated. I need to remain constantly present & aware of what is possible for me in light of the overwhelming need here or I can feel inadequate & defensive.

I uploaded the rest of my pictures & the pictures of children in the villages & along the road stood out. Most of the children are very thin, & so many are not in school. The government provides a free primary education, but it is not mandatory to attend, & many families need the children to do the work of daily living in order to survive. I have pictures of children carrying water jugs, firewood, baskets, etc. on their heads as they walk barefoot on the rocky roads. I have seen a few one gallon sized jugs, but most look to be either 2 or 3 gallons. Two gallons of water weighs 16 pounds. Children looking to be as young as 6 are carrying these on their heads. Our interpreter said it is a problem as many people have severe neck problems as a result. Children help carry rock for the walls & aqueducts, dig in the garden, herd goats & Rwandan cattle, and work in the rice paddies. One young man at the orphanage (18) works weekends at a rock quarry, hammering out huge chunks & carrying them to a wheelbarrow. Peace (from the women’s coop) said that most families know that beans are the highest protein of any food they can afford to buy, but they take so long to cook that the firewood cost (in the city) is more than they have & there is no refrigeration, so they can’t make a big pot & save it. She is teaching them to rotate foods.

There are also many success stories. Our interpreter that we took out for her birthday dinner started out living with her sister in a tiny room, crying every day & as thin as a rail. Tonight she is healthy, has a job & her sister has a job & they live in an apartment. She has hope to be a full-time interpreter & sing the songs she has written. She has a beautiful voice, & Lori is arranging to make videos of her singing & put on YouTube. Lori found another young teen hiding in a shed in a village with no food, water, sanitation or possessions. Lori paid a local charity to go pick her up & then paid for her to stay there until the money ran out. She is now in another city going to school. You already heard about the young man who graduated from the orphanage & is making films. They really do make the most of what they are given. For our interpreters’ birthday we went to a very nice restaurant (at least 4-star) with a delicious meal including complementary appetizers & soup. The hostess at that restaurant was a beautiful young woman who was an orphan graduate.

Part of the group at the cooperative. Children were to the right.

10/9/10: Today was to be our holiday—seeing the country. We went to the genocide museums at Nyamata & at Ntrama in the southeast part of the country. I cannot find words for the experience. At both museums I felt after about 10 minutes there that I could not breathe. I will not go into details about all the atrocities, but only say that the thing I find hardest to comprehend is the practice of taking children, even the fetuses they removed from pregnant women, & smashing their heads against walls. The perspective that in order to kill, one must make the victim into an animal does not explain it. The only explanation I can come up with is that not only were they animals, they were deadly, life-threatening animals like boa constrictors or black widow spiders, & all must be destroyed in order to remain safe. That is exactly the brainwashing that the government conducted, but what happened to the President’s wife & brothers that led them to that perspective?

After the museums we pulled into the driveway of a Christian Care Cooperative. It became immediately apparent that people were assembled there specifically to see us (we were not told that was going to happen). We were told of their compelling problems (HIV infected people, genocide widows, the extremely poor & orphan or HIV infected children). We were shown the crafts they made & told their prices. We were being put on display & paraded as money bags (my initial reaction—I understood how gorillas in zoos must feel & felt betrayed by our hosts from the orphanage). After a few minutes I found my greater wisdom & remembered that I was in Africa to bring as much love as I could into whatever situation I found myself in. As soon as I began to do that, I could feel the level of pain that led our hosts to try to help whomever they could, & that they knew us as compassionate people who did really want to help, so they likely assumed we would be happy to know about this group of people. I could also begin to feel the humanity of each person there. When they started singing & dancing & came up to get us to join, I experienced that instant heart connection that dissolves differences & causes love to flow. Had I stayed in my initial victim, used reaction I would have missed a beautiful experience & the opportunity to enhance that for others.

In the evening we were invited to the home of a family with 5 children. The oldest (High School) is away at a boarding school. The other four range from age 8 to 16. As soon as we arrived, they came rushing out to hug each one of us—they had met Lori before, but none of the rest of us. That’s another example of the open-hearted connection that is just part of their culture. We had a feast of avocados, raw vegetables with sauce, rice with cheese, beef with sauce, seasoned fried potatoes, & their plums, papaya, & passion fruit. Dessert was a delicate almond pound cake. In a twist from the West, the children sat at the table, & we adults sat in a circle in the living room. Our after-dinner conversation could have been happening in my living room at home except the husband occasionally had to interpret for the wife who’s English is not as good.

Tomorrow is a welcome day to sleep in, & we will take a friend (one of the interpreters) to dinner for her birthday.

Peace

Getting the students ready to do energy testing to show how their thoughts affect their body.

10/8/10: We are all really tired tonight. We have been getting in the van at 7:30 AM & going full speed every minute until we get back at 6 to 7 PM for 6 days. The ride in the van up & back involves holding on with one hand & covering our nose with a cloth with the other hand. It isn't what would be considered relaxing.

Tomorrow we will leave at 8:30 AM to go on a tour of Rwanda. This afternoon we met with a wonderful lady whose name is Peace. Her organization is Aspire. She started on her veranda by inviting the neighborhood women to come & talk about their conflicts (Hutu & Tutsi). This led to teaching them to read & write & then to creative microbusinesses & a community farm. She knows much about Rwanda & will consult with Project LIGHT to create job & training opportunities for the kids in our center. I’m falling asleep at the computer, so more tomorrow.

Love

Necessity is the mother of invention. This is the

sink for the outhouse. Step on the pedal &

water spills from the jug.

Most of our peer counseling group. I'm holding the big white basket they gave me.

10/7/10: What a day (no ants)! It was our last day training the peer counselors. They take in the information like sponges. We have to use simple language both because of the interpreters & the lack of life experience & proper education. They are so honest & so needing of love. At lunch Alisoun & I went up by the girls’ dorm. They swarmed around us, asking about our lives, touching our hair, bringing us dandelions, hugging us & telling us they loved us. They talk about believing during the genocide that no one in the world cared. When people like us come from far away to help, they know some people do care about them, & they are deeply grateful. What I have learned from them is that when human beings lose everything & face what seems to be certain death, what they are left with is either their connection with the Devine or descent into rage. When they choose connection, they have a capacity for love that seems boundless. The first day we were there, three of the girls reached out, brought me into their dance, & continued to maintain a non-verbal connection the entire time. This does not mean they never get stuck in competitive survival mode, but when brought to their attention, they recognize that they will not be able to solve their problems as individuals or as a country if they do not cooperate. To be able to forgive the son of someone who tortured & killed your family & tried to kill you takes incredible courage & willingness to trust in the Divine & yourself. These kids are doing just that. The orphanage has gone from 5 or 6 major trauma incidents per week in 2007, some requiring intervention by police, to not one incident in this last year. Lori started her trauma work in 2008, & the school staff attributes the change to her program. At the end of the day Christopher brought in a student who he had worked with who was ill with a blood disease (not AIDS) & probable depression. He could barely stand up. He asked the peer counselors for help, & over 30 of them volunteered. We worked as a group, & he then felt well enough to make the almost 2 hour drive to Kigali with the Headmaster. I do not believe there is any place where more help is needed, nor deserved more, nor accepted more gratefully, nor utilized more completely. These kids are in my heart forever.

Joy, Hope & Ants

Before class dancing--notice the lights where there are none.

10/6/10: Alisoun arrived from Scotland last night. We 4 are a creative & cohesive team. She brought a fun & very effective game to show how to keep our minds open to possibilities. We taught the peer counselors energy medicine exercises, used optical illusions to show different perspectives (the teachers spent all lunch puzzling over the images & asked that we leave them at the school), taught the 5 steps in helping others, & began teaching & using EFT to relieve their test anxiety. They created & presented a skit about how they were going to help their fellow students. It was very touching, as they showed how it is now, & how it will change after their training. They are so open & innocent in their sharing & in their questions, one’s heart cannot helped but be deeply touched. The teacher that was helping as an interpreter commented that the skit showed him how the teachers are not sensitive to what might be the cause of student’s lack of focus or resistance, & that they will be making changes. The students continue to thank us over & over again for giving them hope. So many come up to hug us afterwards that we are late to the van. Rwandan hugs are touching first the right cheek, then the left, then the right again, & you can add a little wiggle at the end if you really like someone. A teacher told us about one of the brightest students (he is 23 & a junior) who is a star of compassion in our class. He has paid 100,000 Rwandan Francs to take the test that will allow him to become a senior 6 (last year), but must come up with 20,000 more in two weeks or lose his 100,000 & have to take his junior year over again which he will have to pay for. 20,000 Rwandan Francs is about $45. I wanted each of us to chip in $12 & pay it. The problem with that is there are many other students with similar stories, & if we do it for one, we have to do it for all. If we make one student “special” in terms of money, there is a risk he might not be treated well by the other students.

We ended the day at the school by experiencing bites of the African soldier ants. They latch on & sting until you pull them off. The bites themselves are very small. They can crawl up your leg in a split second! I think they leap. The second day of rain has flushed them out of their nests, & they surround the “office” (outhouse). We can’t avoid them.

Chin-ups & Frisbee

10/5/10: The first day with the group to be trained as peer counselors (after their own trauma healing). During their morning dancing our pictures show more orbs than I have ever seen, even in the movie about orbs. The dancing is pure joy, with students spontaneously drumming, starting a new song, making up moves together, and laughing. These are first & second year high school students. The youngest was 17 & the oldest 23. They are aware that they have missed many of life’s opportunities. By the end of the day, more than half of them said the most important meaning of the day was that they now had hope for their future. Like the older students, they listed as their biggest problems lack of materials, including no television, no internet, only 2 dictionaries for 500 students, no physical education, no recreational program or equipment, the remote location with nothing to do & no experience with life outside of villages. They also talked about loneliness, having no family and no house to go to, having to take care of younger children with no support from family, government or friends because their friends are just as poor. They worry about school fees & if the government will pay because they have no other source of income. They talked about how the trauma makes problems in relationships at school & makes it hard to concentrate & learn. There are 10 teacher/parent/counselors for 500 students, with one matron for the girls’ dorm & one patron for the boys’ dorm. Their dedication is amazing. Because of all the visitors, they ran out of toilet paper for the outhouse (a hole in the ground with a leaky-roofed shelter built over it). They will not be able to get any more until next week.

We saw the cow & goats provided by a donor. The goats are problematic because the school doesn’t have enough money to build a fence strong enough to keep the goats in, & they are easily stolen. Cows are better as they can provide milk & cannot get through the stick fence & can be easily tethered. Fortunately, the goats can be traded for 2 cows. We talked to Rev. Thoms about protein for breakfast before tests. There is not money for meat, eggs, avocados or nuts. There is no refrigerator for cheese or a supply of milk. They eat mostly potatoes, rice, bananas, onions, cassava, & bread & pasta. There sometimes are tomatoes, carrots & lettuce or cabbage. I had no idea of what real poverty means. It is amazing to me how these people work together, men & women, building rock aqueducts, sweeping red dirt every day, tilling soil with sharpened sticks, building homes out of eucalyptus branches & red dirt adobe, pulling weeds & harvesting on 45 degree or more slopes, carrying water & firewood on their heads starting at very young ages, walking barefoot on rocky roads for miles to get basic supplies, etc. Yet most of them smile broadly & wave at the Mazungas (rich white people). We have seen a total of 2 other Mazungas during our 6 days here.

Again, these students were so eager to learn. The government has just decreed that the official language of Rwanda will be English, so all of the teachers & students have to switch from French to English (Kinyarwandan is spoken in primary schools only). Of all the fun physical & game-like activities we did, the one they spoke of most as valuable to them was learning how to listen to their traumatized friends. Chris brought a Frisbee & taught them to use it. During lunch they played (only boys) in a lumpy field with the goats. Chris also found a pole that could be used for chin-ups & demonstrated that. None of the students had any idea how to do them. We end the day with such love, joy & gratitude in our hearts for these courageous, loving young people. They constantly tell us how much they appreciate what we are bringing to them.